San Joaquin County’s candidate for governor, 92-year-old Albert Mezzetti, appeared on the state ballot right next to Gavin Newsom. He didn’t get quite as many votes.
Running on a rare platform of gun rights, feminism and opposition to marijuana, Mezzetti garnered 7,179 votes.
“I did? I got over 7,000? I’ve been trying to find out. Is that good?” Mezzetti asked when contacted.
Depends, I guess. It was .02 percent of ballots statewide. But five times more than some candidates got in local races.
“I got that many votes by just talking to people,” Mezzetti said, deciding he’d made a good showing. “I don’t take their money. Money corrupts people. And the tons of money, I don’t want any part of that. I just want to be their protector and their servant and make it a better country.”
It’s not going to be a better country, or state, if run by scalawags like Newsom, said Mezzetti.
“The Democratic Party, they put a man in, Newsom, who’s a home-breaker,” Mezzetti said. “He had sex with this secretary — who was his best friend’s wife — and he broke their family up! He should be shot for that.”
Speaking of which, Mezzetti is a World War II vet. He saw combat on Japanese occupied islands. Later he worked as a cop. He’s a Second Amendment guy. Every morning, when preparing to jog three miles, he straps on a sidearm.
We were still doing the post mortem on Mezzetti’s gubernatorial campaign when he proclaimed, “I’m going to run for president of the United States of America.”
Why not? He’d only be 98 by the end of his first term.
Not a problem, said Mezzetti. He's fit.
“God has been good to me, Mike. Women, I go dancing, they think I’m 40 years old. I spin ’em, I dip ’em, I turn ’em. They love that.”
Mezzetti said he if he can’t be president he’ll be an adviser to Donald Trump, who needs straightening out.
“He’s tall, a good looking guy, he’s got a nice family, he’s got everything going for him,” Mezzetti said. But, he said, Trump doesn’t know how to treat people.
As adviser, “I’m gonna spank you, you handsome guy you, because you don’t show any warmth,” Mezzetti said. “You’ve got to show some warmth.”
Contact columnist Michael Fitzgerald at (209) 546-8270 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him at recordnet.com/fitzgeraldblog and on Twitter @Stocktonopolis.